(Model essay) A successful student shares his strategy for achieving band 8 in the written portion of his exam!

Posted on 14 March 2012 by Ryan

I received an encouraging email this past week from an IELTS test taker who managed to score 8 in his writing. (For those interested, he shares the story in detail here.) Although he cites a number of things that he feels allowed him to score well, he stresses that ‘cohesive writing’ is a very key skill (and I would totally agree).

So in this model essay I’m highlighting the portions that help link the composition’s parts at the sentence, paragraph and essay level and hope you take note. Please notice how cohesive devices can be found in all sentences following our opening background sentence. Thus, every sentence in the essay links in some manner to information presented before it.

The following essay question was seen in early 2012 in Guangzhou, China.

Some people like to go to a live sporting event, while others prefer to stay at home and watch it on television.  Which do you prefer?  Discuss both views using personal examples.

The manner in which people consume professional sports varies greatly from one person to another.  For some, the true excitement of the game can only be properly experienced in person.  Others contest that there are too many hassles that come along with attending live sporting events and would rather consume professional sports in the comfort of their own home.  The benefits of both positions will be analyzed before a preference is shared.

Firstly, many prefer to attend athletic events in person to allow themselves to participate in the spectacle.  For example, while visiting England, it became apparent to me that English sporting spectators take pride in participating as much as they can in professional football.  Those unable to get tickets to games watch them in public places, such as at a pub.  Thus to many, watching sports is a very social pastime and best experienced at the place where the match is unfolding .

However, the above view is not universally true.  Many people counter that the most rewarding way to consume professional sports is to do so from the comfort of one’s own home.  For instance, it is much more common for North American baseball fans to tune in to games via radio or television than to attend these events in person.  For most of these people, the hassle and daunting price of tickets is enough to put them off attending entirely.  From this point of view, the merits of watching professional sporting competitions from one’s own home can be seen.

Although both sides of this discussion contain indisputable virtues, I feel that tuning in to sporting events from home is a much more convenient way to experience a professional game.  That said, it must be assumed that personal preference will always rule when it comes to deciding in what manner one should digest sports.

About Ryan

I have been developing online IELTS training resources for over 10 years. For more information about me and how I can help your preparation for the IELTS, please email me: ryan@ieltsielts.com
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15 Responses to (Model essay) A successful student shares his strategy for achieving band 8 in the written portion of his exam!

  1. Radmila says:
    15 March 2012 at 5:48 am

    A great essay! Thank you for sharing))

  2. Claudia Lane says:
    15 March 2012 at 9:36 am

    Hi Ryan,

    Thanks once again for sharing with us another great model essay!

    My question is why did you use first person on your first supporting paragraph? (” …it became apparent to me …” )

    Shouldn’t we avoid using first person all the time?

    Thanks,

    Claudia

    • Ryan says:
      16 March 2012 at 8:58 am

      Hi Claudia,

      The essay question tells us to use personal examples, so we have no choice but to use personal pronouns in our response.

      Good luck,
      Ryan

  3. ahsan razaq says:
    16 March 2012 at 12:04 am

    HI!!!!!!! Thanks RYAN,its really helpful

  4. Claudia Lane says:
    16 March 2012 at 6:53 am

    Hi Ryan,

    I like the new blog layout 🙂

    Good picture by the way.

    Regards,

    Claudia

  5. Adel Ansari says:
    16 March 2012 at 12:22 pm

    Hello Ryan.
    When I saw your picture up of the Web page yesterday I wished if you were my teacher at that moment.
    Great essay. I didn’t write a feedback yesterday.
    I wrote about this essay too.

  6. Chigozie Onuzulike says:
    19 March 2012 at 11:06 am

    Thanks Ryan for the write-ups.

  7. Claudia says:
    19 March 2012 at 5:48 pm

    Thanks for answering my question. I see you change the picture again. I like it too 🙂

  8. DANISHUDDIN says:
    22 March 2012 at 7:47 am

    hi ryan i m poor student because i have attempted 2 time ielts but i ho goted overall 4 band reading 4, speaking 4, writing 3, listening 4.
    i want overall 6 band but problem is that i m belong to midle class family i m living in pakistan plz help me i cant affort any insititute plz help me how can get 6 band my test is 31st march 2012 plz help me ryan brother i hope u help me thank you brother.
    my number is 00923462495414

  9. Naveed Ahmad says:
    24 March 2012 at 2:34 am

    Hell,
    I am Naveed ahmad from Pakistan. My IELTS test is near it will be on 31st of this month. last time i got 5 band overall and i need at least 6.5 or 6.0. i am having problem in reading and listening. i got 4.5 in each while in writing and speaking i got 6 and 5. I need bit help from you if please do for me..
    i shall be very thank full to you for this act of kindness.
    thanks.
    Regards
    Naveed

  10. student says:
    30 March 2012 at 3:40 am

    Hi Rayan,

    Thank you again for sharing the model essay. I am afraid that like you, we do not have enough knowledge of real life examples. The examples you shared like English visit and basket ball matches. My question is what else we can write other than these examples incase the writer does not have enough ideas.

  11. Vishal says:
    30 March 2012 at 7:54 pm

    Hi Ryan

    Thank you very much for sharing information on public forum. I really appreciate your efforts. However it would be great if you can highlight the correct usage of “in to”

    1: fans to tune in to games or
    2: fans to tune into games

    Thanks you for going through my comment and I am hoping to receive a positive response from you.

    PS: Same essay was appeared when I took exam on 7 January 2012- Australia

    Thanks

  12. googlepos says:
    11 September 2012 at 4:18 am

    Thank you very much for that big article

Comments are closed.