(Model essay) A successful student shares his strategy for achieving band 8 in the written portion of his exam!

I received an encouraging email this past week from an IELTS test taker who managed to score 8 in his writing. (For those interested, he shares the story in detail here.) Although he cites a number of things that he feels allowed him to score well, he stresses that ‘cohesive writing’ is a very key skill (and I would totally agree).

So in this model essay I’m highlighting the portions that help link the composition’s parts at the sentence, paragraph and essay level and hope you take note. Please notice how cohesive devices can be found in all sentences following our opening background sentence. Thus, every sentence in the essay links in some manner to information presented before it.

The following essay question was seen in early 2012 in Guangzhou, China.

Some people like to go to a live sporting event, while others prefer to stay at home and watch it on television.  Which do you prefer?  Discuss both views using personal examples.

The manner in which people consume professional sports varies greatly from one person to another.  For some, the true excitement of the game can only be properly experienced in person.  Others contest that there are too many hassles that come along with attending live sporting events and would rather consume professional sports in the comfort of their own home.  The benefits of both positions will be analyzed before a preference is shared.

Firstly, many prefer to attend athletic events in person to allow themselves to participate in the spectacle.  For example, while visiting England, it became apparent to me that English sporting spectators take pride in participating as much as they can in professional football.  Those unable to get tickets to games watch them in public places, such as at a pub.  Thus to many, watching sports is a very social pastime and best experienced at the place where the match is unfolding .

However, the above view is not universally true.  Many people counter that the most rewarding way to consume professional sports is to do so from the comfort of one’s own home.  For instance, it is much more common for North American baseball fans to tune in to games via radio or television than to attend these events in person.  For most of these people, the hassle and daunting price of tickets is enough to put them off attending entirely.  From this point of view, the merits of watching professional sporting competitions from one’s own home can be seen.

Although both sides of this discussion contain indisputable virtues, I feel that tuning in to sporting events from home is a much more convenient way to experience a professional game.  That said, it must be assumed that personal preference will always rule when it comes to deciding in what manner one should digest sports.

About Ryan

I have been developing online IELTS training resources for over 10 years. For more information about me and how I can help your preparation for the IELTS, please email me: ryan@ieltsielts.com
This entry was posted in Writing. Bookmark the permalink.