(Model essay) General IELTS exam in India, July 2011

(This question taken from IELTS-blog.com.)

Nowadays we see an increase in social problems involving teenagers. Many people believe that it is because parents spend more time at work and less with their children. Do you agree or disagree?

The nuclear family of today is much different than that of fifty years ago.  It is increasingly common for both parents to work, and this is often argued to be the cause of social problems among their teenage children.  It is agreed that the social problems adolescents often experience are the direct result of their parents busy work schedules.  This will be proven by looking at a Canadian case study of this phenomenon in action as well as the universal correlation that exists between youth social problems and neglectful parents.

Firstly, teenagers of absent parents often do not get the direction they need to develop as socially competent individuals.  For example, it has been statistically proven that depressed teenagers in Canada typically interact with their parents less than one hour per day.  This example makes it clear that without parental guidance, adolescent people develop social abnormalities.  Thus, it is clear that parents need to prioritize more time for their teenage children, even if this means reducing the number of hours they work.

Secondly, statistics clearly show a link between parental neglect and the numbers of youths afflicted with social problems.  For instance, the number of teenagers suffering with anxiety is a figure that moves in tandem with the number of dual-income households.  The positive correlation between these trends makes it obvious that parents who work too much are acting as a detriment to the mental welfare of their children.  It is thus clear that parents need to spend less time working for the sake of their offspring.

After analyzing this topic, it can be seen that parents who spend copious amounts of time away from their children cause more harm than good.  Thus, it is recommended that the modern family budget time for their developing young people.

Ryan’s note:

  • I am unsure whether the examples shared in this essay are accurate or not.  (I had trouble coming up with examples for this essay on the spot!)

About Ryan

I have been developing online IELTS training resources for over 10 years. For more information about me and how I can help your preparation for the IELTS, please email me: ryan@ieltsielts.com
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4 Responses to (Model essay) General IELTS exam in India, July 2011

  1. Evgeniy says:

    Hi Ryan,

    First of all, thanks a lot for your blog.
    I’d like to ask you if it’s true that paragraphs in the essay have to be separated by blank lines (like in this example) and not by spaces before the first word of the each paragraph?

    • Ryan says:

      Hi Evgeniy,

      I used to think that students were required to indent their paragraphs but an IELTS examiner told me that this is not the case. Regarding line skips, I think you would be best to skip a line between paragraphs to denote exactly where one paragraph ends and the other begins to avoid confusing your reader.

      Good luck,

  2. Hi Ryan,

    Same topic appeared in Pakistan, July 2011. I also faced difficulty while writing on this topic.

    I agree that teenagers social problems are due to negligence of parent’s attention

    The examples which i included were

    1) Children become naughty and violent due to negligence of parent’s attention as they learn from movies and media.
    2) Parent attention helps them make good friends and keep them away from bad habits.



  3. Andy says:

    Thanks a lot Ryan for your immense support and invaluable guidance. Please check if its worth 7 bands or not?

    Q:-There are many different types of music in the world today, why do we need music? Is the traditional music of a country more important than the international music that is heard every where nowadays?

    Music plays vital role in development and creativity of our mind. Its popularity among people has contributed towards its diversity. However, international music is more famous nowadays, but it is agreed that traditional music has more significance over earlier due to its origination and diversity.
    To begin with, it is generally argued that traditional music has laid foundation for other forms of music. For example, Early Indian settlers started singing only tones, which further have been added with words. Initially, people started to sing and dance with limited knowledge of tones and musical instruments, owing to the fact that they have taken first step to produce and improve level of music. Thus, it is clear that traditional music has more implications over international music.
    Secondly, supporters often believe that diversity of traditional music depicts unique identity of an ethnic group. For instance, In Indian festival called, “Holi” people used to have bonfire and offers prayers in a pleasant rhythmic way, eventually, developing it into a complete musical and colorful event. Every folk music has place for all sort of events of life i.e. Birth, festivals, engagement, marriage, day to day events, demise, hope, love and nature etc. As a result, such diversity in cultural music reflects richness of culture and local customs.
    After analyzing traditional music’s foundational and cultural aspects, it has been proven that it has great importance over international music which makes it stand out from the crowd. Thus, it is hoped that forthcoming generations will always continue to appreciate folk music in order to preserve true musical essence.

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