(Model essay) Sample discussion essay response

Posted on 29 January 2012 by Ryan

(This question seen on the General exam in Brisbane, Australia.)

Some believe that students who fear their teachers excel academically. Others believe students work better when they have a friendly relationship with their teacher. Discuss these views and provide your opinion.

Education styles vary from one place to another. Among some circles, it is felt that students who hold a modest level of trepidation for their teachers excel in their studies to a greater degree than students who consider their teacher a friend. Both sides of this argument will be analysed before a conclusion is reached.

On the one hand, many contend that better academic results are attained by teachers who instil a degree of fear in their students. High school instructors in Shanghai, for example, have an extremely rigid teaching style that involves disciplining students for every mistake they make, no matter how small. Although this system may seem callous, it gets results, as Shanghai’s high school students placed top in the world last year for an international standardised aptitude test. As this shows, students who are afraid of their teachers excel in their studies.

On the other hand, many people contest the above and argue that students who share friendly relationships with teachers work better. For instance, the American education system typically allows students to experience a much more intimate relationship with their teachers and many argue this helps implant young people with inspiration. As the US is the most innovative country in the world today, there may be some merit to this argument. Thus, it is understandable why many feel students learn to work better under this educational arrangement.

Following this debate, I agree that a teacher should be an approachable person that nevertheless induces a healthy sense of fear and respect in their students, and I hope this balance will be present in the teachers of the future.

About Ryan

I have been developing online IELTS training resources for over 10 years. For more information about me and how I can help your preparation for the IELTS, please email me: ryan@ieltsielts.com
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22 Responses to (Model essay) Sample discussion essay response

  1. Aml says:
    29 January 2012 at 8:52 am

    Ryan, why the font size in your blog always too small? or maybe just me..

    • Ryan says:
      29 January 2012 at 7:47 pm

      Hi Aml,

      Yes, you’re right. It is something I need to change. I will be making some edits to my site this week and will keep that in mind.

      Ryan

  2. Rehana says:
    29 January 2012 at 12:59 pm

    Hi,
    I sent my essay for your perusal but as I am TOEFL student so my essay was not checked.I mailed it to again hope you will check it.
    Thanks
    Regards

  3. Ziaul Huda says:
    29 January 2012 at 1:21 pm

    Hi,
    Rayan
    It is a very good essay. I am expecting another essay competion from you. In the last competition, I participated. My essay was assessed by blue color.

  4. Radmila says:
    30 January 2012 at 1:13 am

    Hello Ryan,
    My question is off the topic a bit. I really wonder what newspapers you read or programms you see, because your examples in the essays are always striking and appropriate. I want to learn from you how to do this by myself. Can you provide me with any piece of advice or something along those lines?
    By the way, Ryan, I came across a very helpful site for speaking recently, I suggest you to look at it http://www.phrasemix.com .

    • Ryan says:
      12 February 2012 at 11:03 pm

      Hi Radmila,

      I find that examples usually come to me when I start looking at the topic of an essay and mentally preparing myself for the task of writing it. Examples do not need to be 100% accurate. Your examiner knows that you are writing your essay without access to external info.

      If I find I really cannot think of a fitting example, I’ll choose a personal example from my own life. And if I cannot think of a personal example, I will make up a personal example. What I’ve found, though, is that a person’s ability to come up with examples improves with practice. This has been true in my professional life as an IELTS instructor as well. Today when I write essays on a whiteboard with my students in class, examples just pop in my head effortlessly. This was not true for me 8 years ago when I first started teaching IELTS essay writing. The same progress line is true for my students. Often after working with a private student for a few months, their speed when forming an argument and delivering fitting examples is markedly faster.

      Regarding content, you’ve probably noticed in the essays I post to this website that the examples I share typically come from either the western world, the Middle East or China. These are places I have lived and thus places I feel more confident talking about. For you, you may draw confidence in using fitting examples from your region of the world. What your examiner wants to see is that your examples promote your argument or support the point of view you are analyzing and do so with grammatical accuracy.

      Sorry for the delay in getting back to you. Hope that helps,
      Ryan

  5. Radmila says:
    30 January 2012 at 4:34 am

    one more question- how can we paraphrise the collocation “educational arrangement”? Does “educational climate” suit?

  6. mehak says:
    30 January 2012 at 1:19 pm

    plzzzzzzz change ur font style before i go blind

  7. sameep says:
    3 February 2012 at 1:41 am

    Thank you so much Ryan.Your tips helped me a lot as i was able to score the desired band score. Thank you once again.

  8. Anonymous says:
    4 February 2012 at 3:43 pm

    t Thank you so much Rayan.I am planning to write my exam on next month.hope your tips will help me to get a good score……….

  9. Radmila says:
    10 February 2012 at 1:20 am

    Ryan, please answer my comments)

  10. Radmila says:
    13 February 2012 at 2:00 am

    Hello Ryan,
    First of all I am very grateful to you for your explicit responses to my questions. You were able to reassure me saying that examples should not be precise, and that I can make up a personal example as well. Now I will feel more confident in writing, knowing that I am not the one, who has problems in finding the examples to support my thesis! And, without doubt, much practice ought to be done to be such a professional in writing like you. (it is not a compliment, it is unquestionable truth).
    Thank you for your piece of advice about providing my essay with examples of the region where I live, I will try to follow it.
    All the best,
    Radmila.

  11. Anupong says:
    1 May 2012 at 6:08 pm

    Dear Ryan,You have suggested pahriaaprgng indentation of paragraphs. Having a break (of line) means having a new paragraph which is commonly seen. But now a days I do not see indentation of paragraph (having 1 or 2 tab space while starting new paragraph); it is ambiguous to me if I should have 2 tab space while starting a para or not for IELTs exam.I would appreciate your reply.Thanks ..

    • Ryan says:
      2 May 2012 at 4:58 am

      Hi Anupong,

      A few years ago, I was also under the impression that indentation was necessary in an IELTS essay. But this is apparently not the case anymore. A simple line skip should suffice.

      Good luck,
      Ryan

  12. san says:
    8 May 2012 at 9:58 am

    please explain how to write this eassy by discussing both views
    Writing Task 2 (an essay)

    Some people think that a person should change a carrier at least once, while others think that it is better to stay in one job for a lifetime. Do you agree or disagree?

    thank you

  13. Emily says:
    3 February 2013 at 2:11 am

    A lot of people here complained about the font size. But I think it is easy to change that!
    Increase the font size: Hold down and type “+”
    Decrease the font size: Hold down and type “-”

Comments are closed.