You have 24 hours 48 hours to suggest a topic sentence for the first supporting paragraph of this essay!

(This is a model essay in response to a question seen in the UK in April 2012.  This question was taken from ielts-blog.com.  Please leave your suggestion as a comment to this post.  Suggestions emailed to me will not be added.)

Some believe museums should entertain people, while others believe their purpose is to educate.  Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

Museums often represent different things to different people. On the one hand, many people feel a museum’s primary purpose is to entertain. However, others feel they function to house an educational resource. The merits of both arguments will be analyzed before a conclusion is decided upon.

________________Insert your sentence here!_______________. For example, the Science and Technology Museum in Ottawa minimizes the written descriptions normally found next to exhibits, instead preferring to provide visitors with a demonstrational experience to illustrate a scientific point. Although this setup leaves their museum visitors stimulated, it does little to provide them with a deeper understanding of a scientific topic. Thus, the merits of this opinion regarding the purpose of museums are hard to support.

However, many other people see museums as powerful educational resources. For example, the British Museum in London, England, is arranged to provide its visitors with a very informed look at the roots of the human race. Patrons leave this museum with a much more acute understanding of historical topics, and this understanding is something they can apply to their everyday endeavors. Thus, the heightened benefits of this opinion on the role of museums can clearly be seen.

After looking at these two opposing points of view, I feel that museums best serve the public when they are established to educate. Museums can therefore arrange themselves to be entertaining so long as the primary purpose of education is preserved.

 

About Ryan

I have been developing online IELTS training resources for over 10 years. For more information about me and how I can help your preparation for the IELTS, please email me: ryan@ieltsielts.com
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50 Responses to You have 24 hours 48 hours to suggest a topic sentence for the first supporting paragraph of this essay!

  1. Henry says:

    Some museums are changing their way to show things to people, by making this experience attractive and understandable.

  2. Marinella says:

    Some museal institutions have chosen to privilege entertainment’s option.

  3. Murad Ali says:

    On the one hand, museum is believed to be a part of entertainment industry.

  4. Rawshan from Uzbekistan says:

    It is believed that in some countries museums are often considered as entertainment venues.

  5. Rakesh says:

    Some people visit museums for entertainment.

  6. Vincent Loh says:

    Some feel the main purpose of museums is entertainment, not education.

  7. Firstly, most people believe the primary purpse of museum’s is to entertain.

  8. min says:

    Some people believe that museums should give a better entertainment value to its visitor.

  9. Puja says:

    For some , the reasons behind visiting a museum are purely entertaining.

  10. Anonymous says:

    HI Mr. Rayan,
    My topic sentece for this essay is as follows.

    Firstly, many contest that the museums are designed primarily to entertain the general public.

  11. ziaul huda says:

    Hi Mr. Rayan,
    My topic sentece for this essay will be as follows.

    Firstly, many contest that the museums are designed primarily to serve the general public.

  12. Radmila says:

    From one perspective, many people support the notion that museums should satisfy the entertaining needs of visitors.

  13. Anonymous says:

    In one camp,a set of mind believe that museums entertain people who visits them

  14. Sylvester Xavier says:

    To begin with, museums have ceased to be just solely educational rather they have become more infotaining of late by including hands on activities for the visitors.

  15. Kulsoom says:

    Many museums these days are opting for a more stimulating experience for crowds rather an academic one.

  16. Paritosh Gupta says:

    Many people argue that entertainment is the prime purpose of a museum to stimulate thinking.

  17. nana says:

    Some people believe museums are set up to serve as entertainment purposes.

  18. Denis says:

    On the one hand, museums try to attract a bigger audience, which means that information should be considarably brief and not boring, thus general purpose of institutions tends to amuse people.

  19. Megan says:

    Some museums are designed to perform entertaining functions in the hope of drawing visitors’ attention.

  20. Yasir Hamid says:

    It is believed that the museums can provide pleasure and entertainment besides the educational information by representing the information in an attractive way.

  21. William says:

    For most visitors, the museums, closely associating with tourism, are always of entertainment destinations.

  22. William says:

    For most visitors, the museums, closely associating with tourism, are always of entertainment purposes.

  23. Shri says:

    Firstly, It is believed by some people that museums should be source of entertainment and to simulate visitor’s interest.

  24. Anonymous says:

    Around the world most museums put up exhibits mainly for the recreational purpose.

  25. chitra says:

    Around the world most museums put up exhibits mainly for the recreational purpose.

  26. setareh says:

    One school of thought holds musuems as entertaining places for public.

  27. Ryan says:

    Lots of submissions are still coming in, so I’ll hold off on providing everyone with feedback for a few more hours.

  28. Anthony Hara, Ielts Instructor says:

    Firstly, some proponents argue entertainment is the paramount objective of museums.

  29. Pisces says:

    According to the supporters of the entertaining museums, some are designed to emphasize more on the purpose of beguiling visitors with attractive demonstrations rather than simple educational displays.

  30. Seham says:

    It is felt that the main purpose of a museums is educate people about history.

  31. meetu says:

    On the one hand, it is purported by many that the primary purpose of museums to educate people about a country’s historical and cultural artifacts has been decreasing.

  32. john parakkattu says:

    Museums are considered as a place to enjoy, by visiting there for many people

  33. August Ticzon says:

    There are some museums that display very different ideas for the presentation of their collections than those of the traditional ones.

  34. Aakash says:

    For one, many people contest that museum should be the place of entertainment.

  35. Sharifah says:

    To begin, as many people sees that museum purpose is to entertain so as to reduce the ‘serious’ atmosphere and stimulate visitors, it is on the other hand however, resulting to fewer or limitation of historical or scientific point being significantly portrayed.

  36. Anonymous says:

    In one camp,some people believe that museums entertain people who visits them.

  37. sarfaraz says:

    It is widely believed that “a picture is worth a thousand words”

  38. priya says:

    Even though people visit the museums just for a fun or an entertainment, they might get some sort of knowledge as well.

  39. Anonymous says:

    It must be acknowledge , that the museum exhibits an intellectual insight of varied scientific facts.

  40. Ankur says:

    It must be acknowledge , that the museum exhibits an intellectual insight of varied scientific facts.

  41. JD says:

    Firstly, it is believe that museums were built for the primary purpose of entertainment.

  42. JD says:

    sorry typo error on the first one*** =)

    Firstly, it is believed that museums were built for the primary purpose of entertainment.

  43. Ryan says:

    Hi everyone,

    Thank you for participating. Please find my comment to your submissions below.

    For those of you who need to improve, please notice that all comments receiving favourable feedback are relatively concise. Don’t trick yourself into thinking that writing long, overly complicated sentences is going to help you score higher on the IELTS exam. The only thing this strategy does is heighten your chances of making grammatical errors.

    @Henry I’m not sure why you say museums are ‘changing their way’. I am also unclear what ‘experience’ you are talking about. Perhaps you are referring to the experience of visiting a museum?

    @Marinella I have no idea what that sentence means.

    @Murad Good attempt, but that sentence has grammatical issues.

    @Rawshan Your sentence has a small grammatical issue. Try rewording to: ‘Some believe museums should primarily be considered sources of entertainment.’

    @Rakesh OK

    @Vincent OK

    @Bakary That sentence has grammatical issues, but if these are cleaned up it would work fine.

    @Min No, that is not what the essay question is asking us to analyze, nor is it what was illustrated in the introduction paragraph. We’re not being asked whether we feel museums need to be improved. The way your sentence is worded (i.e. ‘should give a better…’) makes the reader feel you are analyzing the opinions of people who want to grow the quality of museums.

    @Puja Why is there a space before your comma? Change ‘entertainment’ to ‘entertainment driven’ and your sentence is fine.

    @Anonymous Great, but please take out ‘the’.

    @Radmila I think you mean ‘entertainment needs’. I doubt patrons would want to entertain others when they visit a museum. 🙂

    @Anonymous There are several grammatical issues with your response. Why is there no space following your comma? Where is your full stop? What does ‘a set of mind’ mean?

    @Sylvester That sentence is way too detailed and this causes grammatical issues. Please do not bring up examples in your supporting paragraphs’ topic sentences. To improve your writing, stick to shorter sentence structures.

    @Kulsoom If you change ‘rather’ to ‘rather than’, your sentence could work.

    @Paritosh Why do you mention ‘to stimulate thinking’? Neither the essay question nor the introduction paragraph say anything about this.

    @Nana You can’t ‘serve as an entertainment purpose’. Maybe you mean: Many museums are set up for the purpose of entertaining. This sentence would be fine.

    @Denis That sentence is way too complicated. If you are wondering why you are a band 6 student, it is because you write overly complicated sentences like this. Your sentence is riddled with grammatical issues, and I believe these issues arise simply because you’ve attempted too ambitious a sentence structure. Keep it simple!

    @Megan Why have you included ‘in the hope of drawing visitors’ attention’ here? This was not mentioned in the question.

    @Yasir Your sentence is another example of overly complicated wording used to deliver a relatively simple idea. Simplify your sentences and you will see an improvement in the quality of your writing.

    @William Why have your brought up tourism? Please read the essay question and introduction paragraph again.

    @Shri There are several grammatical issues in your sentence.

    @Chitra ‘Most museums’? The remainder of the sentence is awkwardly worded and difficult to understand.

    @setareh Changing ‘public’ to ‘the public’ would make that sentence work.

    @Anthony I couldn’t have written it better myself. Do you have an IELTS website of your own? Please send me an email and let me know a bit more about yourself.

    @Pisces This sentence is overly complicated.

    @Seham This sentence has nothing to do with the paragraph it is connected to!

    @Meetu Your sentence also has little to do with the paragraph it represents.

    @John This sentence has several grammatical issues. For one, where is your full stop?

    @August What does that have to do with the supporting paragraph in question?

    @Aaskash You’re on the right track. Try rewording to: For one, many people contest that museums should be places that instruct through entertainment.

    @Sharifah That sentence’s complicated structure causes you to make numerous grammatical errors. Make an effort to keep your writing simple.

    @Anonymous Good try, but try rewording to: In one camp, some people believe that museums should primarily entertain the people who visit them.

    @Sarfaraz I do not see how your suggested sentence has anything to do with this essay.

    @Priya That sentence would not work. You need to state that certain people feel the purpose of a museum is to entertain.

    @Ankur But what about ‘entertainment’? Your sentence has no connection to the paragraph it outlines.

    @JD Excellent! (Great way to finish this long list of comments!)

  44. min says:

    Thanks for the feedback Ryan. I need to read the question more carefully next time.

  45. ziaul Huda says:

    Hi MR. Rayan,
    you did not comment on my topic sence. I posted it on 20.5.12. I am posting it again.
    Firstly, many contest that the museums are designed primarily to serve the general public

  46. Radmila says:

    I was on the fance, Ryan, when choosing between entertaining and entertainment needs) Thank you for correcting my blunder 😀

  47. Radmila says:

    Sorry, *fence

  48. kotresh says:

    Hey Ryan,
    Thank you very much for the contest and feedback :). that was very helpful in improving our topic sentence. its really wonderful way of learning things. I hope to see some more such contests in future.
    Thanks again.

  49. Arturo says:

    It is a fact, that museums are more than Cultural places, nowadays people go to this places because they want to learn and have fun as well, but they don’t want to read large and boring descriptions of what they see.

  50. kalu says:

    It seems some museums are using entertainment as their strategy to attract visitors to them.

Comments are closed.